Now?

Life~

It has finally ended. All the pressure and the hassle is over. No more exams, at least for now. STPM ended just 8 hours ago? Now, I have no idea what I should do anymore. I've always pictured my holidays to be filled with excitement and friends always calling me up to hang out but really at the moment, I can't see that.

The things that I have always wanted, has once again eluded me. The ship that I wanted board years ago, had already set sailed the day I had to make a choice. If only I could go back to that day and remake my decisions. Now that the ship has sailed, I still stand by the docks waiting for it to come back for me.

Schools over, I like the freedom and I think I am going to enjoy it but it would really be great if I could enjoy it with someone. Another lonely Christmas, another lonely night. Theres no point looking back, so theres no point standing on the pier, by now the ship has already forgotten about me.

cyen/tristan - forward?

Almost Done

Life~

School will finally be over. No more school, no more uniforms. No more rules and lets hope my "high school" mentality leaves. Lol. Its gonna be great, with all this changes and honestly, I for one cannot wait for it to come. 16 more hours and its finally over.

However to those that know of the problem I am currently facing. Well, if you guys are reading this, I just want to say that it has been a good run. Lets do it again soon. Wish it would have had a better ending but what more could I ask. Life is all about being flexible and compromising. If no one is gonna do it, I might as well be the one to do it. Not always the best option but I guess some people are just retarded and very much deserved to be run over my cars. Lol, kay that wasn't very nice. I have feelings too okay, that was anger so cut me some slack.

Anyways, I am going off to bed now and hope everything will turn out fine eventually.

cyen/tristan - Big Bang - Sunset Glow(Let's Go West!)

Fourth Album. Finally.

Music~

Frank, Ray, Gerard, Bob, Mikey

Belle of the Boulevard

Music~

cyen/tristan

Why I Will Forever Remember STPM

Life/Football~

Okay, Sunday, 22nd November 2009. The clock is ticking. Time is running out as I prepare myself to sit for the first paper for STPM. Nervous? Of course I am but at the same time, Spurs is playing Wigan Athletic at 11 later tonight. What should I do?

Okay, if I finish doing my revisions then I'll watch the game.

11 : 00 P.M.

Okay, I've done all I could, to the game but mum and dad said I should get my sleep cuz I will need it for tomorrow's paper. It was the first paper so I am not prepared to flunk this one. I need to get a good start to this exam. Okay, I'll just watch one half.

Game starts off pretty well for the boys in white. Jermain Defoe had a couple of decent chances but his tight angle shot that was tipped over the bar by Chris Kirkland was the best in the first 45 minutes(so I thought). The first half ended with Spurs leading after a 8th minute goal from Peter Crouch after a nicely floated cross from Aazza. Aazza was clearly gonna be a handful for former Spurs fullback, Erik Edman(hmmm, I use to like Erik. A good player he was.) So anyways, my 45 minutes was up and I was like, "darn. should I just continue watching?? Hmm. Oh never mind. Its just one game. I'll go sleep now." So off to bed I went. It took me a while to finally sleep cuz I was so nervous for tomorrow's paper.

6:25 A.M 23rd November 2009

Woke up after a rough night. Don't think I had much of sleep but heck it'll do. Walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water and I was off to the bathroom for my bath. When I was done showering, my mum already got the newspaper in. I was pretty reluctant to check the score from last night's game so I told myself, "Okay, after today's paper only I will check. I don't wanna sit for the paper in a grumpy mood(fearing that Tottenham might have lost)"

As I was sitting at the dinner table drinking my Milo, my dad was sitting opposite me reading the paper then he said it, "Eh?! 9-1?" Then I said, "What?" He stared at me then, "Tottenham also can win 9-1 ar???".

cyen : What you talking about?
dad : Nah..(shows back cover of The Star)
cyen : Holy Zombie Jesus (of course I didn't say that but that was what my mind and heart was saying. Or at least might have said.)
cyen : *smiles* Okay off to school I go.

Turns out, the 9-1 win was a good motivation for me. The paper ended up to be pretty decent. I expected a lot worse but it wasn't so bad. I think I did good for the paper. Wahahah!

3 goals in 7 minutes. 5 in 45 minutes. 2 words, Jermain Defoe.
Oh Nico, that goal on the 94th minute. Was so sweet, it would give me diabetes but I wouldn't mind. Lol.
The BEST free kick this season. Check it out and an awesome assist for Nico.
He opened it. The Crouch he is!
AazzaaaA! England and Tottenham's finest.

cyen/tristan

WTFOMFGROFLMAOBRBGTG

Life~

Okay, a few more days to the big one. So heres my plan. Pengajian Am paper 2 is the up first. A big hurdle for me if you ask me. Next will be Sejarah paper one. If I can get pass those two then its time to whoop some ass. Okay I have no idea what that meant.

I cannot wait. 9th December here I come. When STPM is over, hell is breaking loose. I am warning you. WARNING YOU! Yellow car coming your way. Yes, Bumblebee is going to mow you down.

Saya sudah jemu dengan beberapa orang sial dalam hidup saya dah lar. Sudah sampai masa saya padamkan(erase) mereka daripada hidup saya. Saya ini memang pun gila sikit tapi saya tak peduli lah.

Okay. That was just a joke. Lol. Anyways, its going to be a long and hard 20 days from today. So wish me luck dudes and dudettes. PEACE OUT (I am trying to be cool)

cyen/tristan

Pre-STPM Days

Life~

Everyone says theres just 12 more days to the start of STPM, then there are those that is just looking forward to what happens a month from now. I don't know which I'd prefer. I want to get it over and done with but something tells me I'm just not ready. I flunked my SPM a couple of years back and this is definitely my last chance to redeem myself.

Some people can just buckle down, open a book and go through every paragraph, line and word of the content, well I can do that too but I can't do that for hours! Some people can, and I just don't know how. I am going insane. Then when I study, sometimes I will think of really emo things from the past. Madness.

So anyways, this isn't the point of me writing this post. Its been a while since I wrote anything so I thought of just adding more words to it. I went out with my very good friend Gaik Lyn the other day. Been ages since we spoke or seen each other. It was sorta happy and I guess I needed some contact with the outside world after spending days cooped up at home. We talked bout lotsa stuff but one topic hit me, and it hit me pretty hard. Actually theres two topics. First we spoke about friends. I've actually realised almost a year ago, that friends will eventually leave no matter how much you try to make it last. Sadly, I wanted everything to last but eventually they all have new friends, or some even introduce their friends to each other then form a bigger group then we got left out. Well, sucks but it happens I guess.

The second thing we spoke about probably reveals what an idiot I am. We spoke about how nice I am. Yes, I think I am a pretty nice guy. I help people when they ask for help. When they are down I would do my very best to cheer them up. When some of my friends fight, I would try to get them back together and forget bout the past. Its no easy task, to bring two people who had misuderstandings and get them to talk again or even play football. Maybe It wasn't my doing that made them friends again but I guess I had some part in it. But really, after all that I think I have done too much. I over-stepped the border and expected too much because when the times comes and I need friends that would back me up no matter what, I find it hard to believe that I have so few. That night out with Gaik Lyn helped me realise a few things. One of them was that I like getting into people's problem and helping out. I should just mind my f*cking business and not care. Yes I should.

12 more days to STPM and 29 more days to freedom. To be honest, some people are already looking forward to their post-STPM days, me? Not so much cuz I have no idea what I am going to do. I have my own plans tho so I guess I still have something to look forward too.

cyen/tristan

Step Up Gareth and David

Football~

There was no live telecast between Spurs and Everton's clash during the Carling Cup match-up last night. I was disappointed but then it would be best cuz I would not want to stay up for the game, because if I did then I'd prolly be sleeping in the library today. So I woke up today having dreamnt that Pavlyuchenko scored a brace against the Toffees but he did jack-squat in the game. He missed a couple of sitters and I think that pretty much dashed any hope of him making it into the first team now. Huddlestone and Keane stole the show last night as the mighty Spurs eased past Everton with a 2 nil victory.


But, on a more positive note regarding the reserve players stepping up, David Bentley(Up) and Gareth Bale(Down) had a stormer. It was said that, Tony Hibbert (Everton's Leftback) had to be switched to the right back position after the half time break because David Bentley tormented him for the past 45 minutes! As for Gareth, he combined well with Benoit Assou-Ekotto and with him playing on the left wing, I think Spurs have finally solved their left wing crisis! I've always liked seeing Gareth play on the left wing as he likes to run down his opponents and his explosive runs are just a JOY to watch! Haha. Since his arrival at the club, has hasn't made much of an impact and Man Utd fans are already happy that Gareth had'nt joined them last time but I think it is about time Bale made them regret. I remembered when he first came into the Premier League from Southampton, he looked quite skinny and underweight but I think he has put in a few pounds and worked out a lot. He and Bentley are going to stay at the Lane and I am just happy they are both finally settling in!

cyen/tristan

Painting The Town Red

Football


For those who read the review I made before the English Premier League started this season, I guess I was right, well sort of. Before the season started, I said that Liverpool would be triumphant over the Devils, Manchester United. Last night was a clear proof. Liverpool hosted Man United in Anfield. Man United were the favorites of course and Sir Alex was looking to put the nail to Rafa Benitez's coffin last night but the plan was thwarted by some individual brilliance from Fernando Sanz Torres.

I watched the game last night and after watching my Spurs lost to Stoke I thought Liverpool would eventually suffer the same fate despite controlling the majority of the possession. Spurs had most of the possession on Saturday night but the team lacked the finishing touch. Last night, Liverpool came close in several occasions. Dirk Kuyt and Fabio Aurelio was a handful for Van der Sar but Manchester United had their occasional counter attacks too. Rooney had a great chance but his header could do very little damage while Berbatov's touches were good as well but would end up being roughed out by the Liverpool defenders. Yes, last night Liverpool played very VERY aggresive football, probably the finest I have seen from Mascherano and Lucas. Good job to Rafa for playing both of them as the both of them are great ball winners. I don't know WHY Alex Ferguson didn't play Anderson. He was left on the bench from start til end, he didn't even come on as a substitute. They're already missing the hard tackler, Darren Fletcher and Alex insisted on playing Carrick and Scholes. Both Scholes and Carrick are great passers of the game but they will not stand a chance against Mascherano and Lucas.

Now lets talk about their line ups. Liverpool is missing Steven Gerrard while Manchester United is missing Darren Fletcher. So which is the weaker side if both those players are absent? Liverpool of course. If Gerrard had played, oh Manchester United would be glad to have lost just by 2 goals. From the game, I think the reason why Man United lost is in the center of midfield, they've got no steel in that area and with that Liverpool dictates play, simple as that.

On to the goal then. Rio Ferdinand was very very shaky last night, United played like they only had Vidic in the center of defense so when he was sent off, N'gog just pounced on that opportunity to double their lead. For the first goal, full credits for Torres to hold Ferdinand off and finishing it off from such a tight angle. It was a GOOD goal, even the United fans should agree.

So okay, after the game of course there are some people who had their views. United fans are sad of course. All over Facebook you see people being sad and disappointed and how they SHOULD have gotten all 3 points. Then there are those who chose to blame the referee for not being professional. This season, it has happened in a couple of occasions where United were the victim of poor refereeing but last night, other than Jamie Carragher's challenge on Michael Owen, I don't see why the referee should be blamed. In fact, Manchester United had quite a lot of free kicks awarded right outside the penalty box but they never made full use of it. Obviously, they are missing someone who is currently free scoring in the La Liga. But anyways, they never made full use of the free kicks. In many occasions I thought Giggs would step up to take it but I kept seeing Rooney taking them. Why?

And why are United fans so quick to accuse the referee when they lose a game? Shit happens, probably for the past few seasons and a one time this season(The controversial injury time winner against Manchester City), United were pampered by the referees. There's also news saying that before this, referees were afraid to go against United players and their manager so they always had things their way. I dont know how true is that, I'm not saying its true but what I'm trying to say here is that, shit happens.

I've said it over, and over and over again. This season is going to be a VERY tough year for United fans. So for the Glory Hunters, its time to switch sides. With no Ronaldo and Tevez, United will not be so invincible. I've made my points clear enought, but heres a short recap : Last night, the reason why United lost is not because the referee was poor but its because they got their tactics wrong. You always need a hard tackler in the center of your midfield. United had too much flair but no steel. Valencia, Giggs, Berbatov, Scholes and Carrick are all skillful players but how can you leave the tackling job to just Rooney? Liverpool had a mix of flair and steel. Kuyt is almost similar to Rooney while Mascherano wins all the challenges and pass it on to the lighter players like Benyoun and Aurelio.

I've only got respect for the United fans that admit their loss. Stop whining! People might say that "hey, you're just a Spurs fan and you are used to losing and not finishing at the top." Well, screw you. Lol. Losing is part of the game, as well as winning. With no Ronaldo and Tevez, theres going to be a lot more losses this season and pray Chelsea and Arsenal stop scoring goals for fun. But in my review months ago, I said that Liverpool will win the title, well I might be wrong. United might not have to worry to much about Liverpool but Chelsea would be a bigger threat so good luck to all United fans!

P.S : read this, just for kicks.

cyen/tristan

Speaking My Mind

Life~

The 201st post. I need to get this off my mind. I don't know how true this is but I have a feeling that people are too quick to judge me, negatively. They don't know the entire story and all they are interested is, just one small part of a story. For that, I believe my name is tainted. No one is interested in my story. For that, I believe people are drifting away from me.

At first, I told myself that things like this will happen eventually, everyone leaves. I try to not be bothered but lately I realize that its really hard. Friends that were once so close, now would think twice before talking to me. Its saddening but I guess its just something that pushes me to go the extra mile. I love Penang but this place just doesn't feel like home anymore. Everywhere I go and everyone I meet, I feel like I'm being judged. I need to leave this place. I hope I can. I am tired of wanting people to stay on my side, to be honest I wouldn't need to do much if I had real friends.

I don't know what I did wrong. Maybe cuz I was never there for my friends? Or maybe cuz I cared too much? I don't know. Whatever I have been doing in the past 3-5 years, I think I should just stop cuz it has brought me nothing but lies and deceit.

cyen/tristan

The 200th

Life

Okay, the 200th post. Not gonna do anything special, well cuz I cant think of anything. I was actually planning to do something special tho but really nothings really coming up. So anyways I think I'll just do a recap of my time in PFS so far this year.

Started out pretty bad as responsibilities started to pile up. I needed to balance my studies and my co-curriculum activities. Form 6 is already not something easy and I had to captain a sports house and lead a bunch of childish scouts in my scout troop. It wasn't an easy task but now everything is done and I'm just really glad its over and the best part is I get recognition for all my contributions.

In Cheeseman Sports House, once again, I single handedly won the best decorated tent and my house managed to get 2nd place for the march pass(we were actually winners for that competition but we did too much. We had pigeons, costumes, cheerleaders, poppers and many more crazy stuff. so in the end, we got moved down to 2nd place instead. Other than that, Cheeseman House won the most games during the interhouse games 2009 event. We conquered in Football, Volleyball, Chess, Sepak Takraw and we got 2nd place for Tennis. Pretty impressive for a house with very little amount of members. Haha! Other than that, I am also awarded a Sijil Kepujian for all that. In conclusion, I am pretty impressed with myself. Lol!

Okay, next would be Scouts. Uh. The worse I would say. Last year was terrible. This year was terrible. Conclusion, if the juniors would listen to me then nothing would have gone wrong. Frankly speaking, I have the most experience being an Exco but it seems like no one listens to me. Oh well, I did what I could. Recognition, not much but I dont expect anything from this. Haha.

Sutides next. Okay, I don't think I can say much bout this but if you ask me, I'd say I'm improving. Haha I take Economics, Business Studies, General Paper and History if you must know. I've already done my MUET and I got a band 5, which I guess is okay. I am pretty good in History. I'll be receiving History prize during Speech Day which is next week. Looking forward to it as this would probably be a highlight for this year. I am really proud of myself. Haha! I do hope I can carry this to STPM and really nail it. Okay whats next. Hmm.

Well I guess thats that for now. Haha! So, there you have it, the 200th post and more thrash from me.

cyen/tristan

Inspired By Rage

Art~

Okay, I had no internet connection for the past 3 days. Why? Well Streamyx messed up again. You guys cannot imagine the frustration I was going through. I managed to get hold of the Streamyx douchebags on the phone and I demanded to know what was the problem. And they told me the funniest thing ever. They said that it wasn't only my internet connection that was down, people that lives in my area were suffering as well. So I asked why is there such a problem. They said it was because of the recent heavy rain then their system got all messed up. Something like that. So from that I guess TMnet is really poor. I mean, their buildings must still be sheltered with 'atap' and is still probably powered by buffalos or something.

So anyways, I am really pissed off by the internet service I am getting. So angry that the rage in me actually inspired me to doodle. Yes, this is why this post is called "Inspired by Rage". Enjoy.

So close to pulling the trigger.

Lol, yes I think I overdid this entire thing. Initially I wanted to just draw a quick doodle on my anger but really, rage does wonders to ones creativity. I really enjoyed this piece. The leather jacket and converse shoes. Streamyx as a fat geek. Rawr! Oh yea. I'm hellu tired from doodling so I'll do the coloring later. Hehe.

cyen/tristan

A Tribute and Positivity

Life~

Spurs just lost 3 nil to Chelsea. A horrible day I would say. Spurs played one of the worst footballs ever, after the 2nd goal was scored, the team looked like they didn't wanna play anymore, it was just sickening.

So anyways, a loss is a loss. No excuses for that. We played horrible so we deserved it. Back on the "life" topic, I am pretty contented with how things are going so far, a few good friends and my results are now on the rise. Joe Jin spoke to me the other day, he made a bet with me : Who would be more successful in the future. I accepted it of course. I for one is not pleased to look at the future as I still have no idea of what I want to do. But anyways I will give him a good fight in this bet for sure. He is a good friend. Firm, loyal, trusted and he never asks questions he is not supposed to ask. Sometimes I wish I could do more to repay the things he had done or said to me, a brilliant friend. Joe Jin is one of the few people that gives me hope on how good life can still be.

I use to live on a tight rope. Paranoia lingers and I could never have a peace of mind but I think I finally can. I really just hope nothing screws it up for me but I must not just depend on people keeping things good for me, I too must play my part to remain positive, always.

But then, I still want things to get better, I am not satisfied with how things are going at the moment and I will definitely not just settle for this. I want more in life. I need to be more positive and keep going. I musn't get distracted. Music and football has always played a big part in my life. Recently I've gotten the liking for Kasabian and Muse. =) I am sure music and football will once again help me achieve more and be better than who I am today.

cyen/tristan - Joe Jin is one of the few people that gives me hope on how good life can still be.

She is Love

Music~

Prolly heard it on the radio. "Parachute - She is Love". I really like this. =D

cyen/tristan

Comings and Goings

Life~

I am already used to people leaving and coming in my life. Its not always a bad thing that we have people leaving us and its not always a good thing to have new people coming into our lives. Many years back, I used to think that somethings last forever like Love, Friends, Memories and even individual traits. We live in a very very complicated world. To just stick to something or someone for too long just shows how naive one person can be.

I really do feel that things are getting more and more complicated for everyone. Even when we say its not that complicated, I guess its just a way of easing the pain or blocking out the negatives. Something like religion. Why do we choose to believe in something? To me religion inspires us to push a little harder and do better in whatever. Just like hope. Hope on the other hand, is just a distraction. Instead of putting everything we live for on hope, we should just be focused on what we want to achieve. If we are going to just sit and hope, nothing will be done.

I am writing this now, 1 a.m in the morning because I realized that I am losing friends but yet I am gaining new ones. Like I said, its not a good thing but its not all bad too. Honestly, I am a bit confused but things are just complicated sometimes and it gets even more complicated when we try to uncomplicate it.

To be honest, I don't think anyone gets what I'm going through. Some that do, you guys would probably say, "Why is he getting all so worked up for?". But I do believe everyone will eventually take this path in life, if its possible, you would never have to go through this path. No one will truly understand what I am going through. your lives are not perfect too, so I would never understand what kind of problems you go through but it would really be great if someone actually did.

cyen/tristan - having to wake up every morning, and be reminded over and over again how shitty life can be. i really just wished that you'd stop running away from the problem but if that is what you choose then there is just.. so little I could do.

I'm Not Going Back There

Life~

Okeh, its been a long time since i've updated on myself. Yes, myself. Nothing bout football, games, movies or annoying songs.

So how have I really been anyways? Well, STPM trials ended last Thursday and I know I should have really blogged during the weekend but my brother came back from Singapore for the weekend so I preferred spending my time with my brother. Hah! I mean whats the difference bout me blogging then and now? So anyways, like I said, trials ended and whats next?

Well, there is really nothnig much I can do considering that I am still under house-arrest for the next 3 months so I think i will be spending a lot of time at home, and I mean shitloads of time at home. Besides that maybe I'll go play some sports whenever I'm free cuz I'm already feeling a little heavy. Haha, all the eat,study,sleep routine is really not healthy at all. How I hope I could just take a break. You know like one of those trips to those fancy beach resorts where I can just laze at the beach and of course just hit the gym maybe without thinking bout studies. Grr, but thats quite impossible, well at least not for now.

Rewind. After the trials, I sat down with a couple of friends and we talked about the things we have been through in the past year. All the fun times and the stressed up times seem to have flashed pass us so fast. Then some of them talked of personal stuff, Love, Friends and other stuff. I didn't had much to say but honestly there was SO much inside me in the past few months, especially this year. I really feel like I could die keeping so much to myself but really, somethings are just best kept to ourselves. Of course some people loved showing it and doing nasty things behind us without any guilty conscience. People like that are everywhere so as an individual in this scoiety, we will need to tolerate and leave them be. Funny thing is, we will eventually take that path too one day. At one point of your life, treachery, lies and deceit would be your only path. Everyone is the same. Talks of loyalty are no longer believable. Like I've always said, things like that are just "Sweet sweet words that will eventually turn into gooey ear wax in ears".

I have really learned a lot in the past 2-3 years. I've seen a LOT of things and human behaviour, some I've experienced and some I have not. After this 2-3 years, it has made me more matured and my views on a lot of things have changed. For example, in the previous paragraph, I spoke of everyone being the same. What I meant was that everyone would eventually turn bad. Turning back to good is another thing but for everyone, they would eventually do nasty things. I have and I am sure you have too. So what I'm saying here is that, don't ever let your guard down. This might sound a bit strange to some people that know me as a carefree person but really we can never be too sure about everything. But sometimes I really just don't like living a life that we must always be too careful on anything but its just hard. =(

In the past year I have also learned to just really really depend on yourself and the fact that working hard pays. Sometimes we should just do or go on with our lives alone and discover who we are and what we really want in life. Its no use having people telling you who you are and what you should do but if you still want people telling you those stuff, ask your parents, they know best OR get a mirror. I have to admit that I have been wanting to have someone to lean on and depend on but really, the more we try the more problems we will face. Sometimes we just need to STOP and listen, listen to your heart. It sounds gay but what the f*ck, I've already come so far and sounding gay is definitely the least of my problems.

But then again, sometimes its not really our fault that somethings dont go our way, but its the people around that wants to continue screwing and f*cking up their lives. We can do very LITTLE to stop them. Haha. so anyways I think I'm done being paranoid. The paranoia feeling is clearly fading away.

For those who want good GOOD gooooooooOOOOD music. Heres a couple for you guys. Go check out "My Own Worst Enemy" and "Zip-Lock" from the band Lit. Old songs but definitely GOLD. Haha, enjoy. Its really sad that bands like Lit are dying off. =(

cyen/tristan - clearly a paranoid.

Good Girls Go Bad

Music

Okay, not exactly a very smart or good song but its really catchy. Cobra Starship, hmm. I will be keeping an eye or maybe more like opening up my ears more to the. I mean who would'nt like a bad that calls themselves Cobra Starship?! Who would have thought of that name? haha!

cyen/tristan

European Champion

Football

Lionel Messi has just won the European Footballer of the Year or the Ballon d'Or and also the European Forward of the Year award. Rejoice! European Goalkeeper of the year goes to Edwin Van Der Sar and John Terry and Xavi Hernandez both wins the European Defender and Midfielder of the Year awards respectively.


As for the draw, Barcelona is drawn together with Internazionale so that means Zlatan will face Inter and Eto'o will be facing Barcelona, how cool is that? Haha. Group G will be one of the most boring groups of all while Manchester United gets the likes of Besiktas in their group. Chelsea will have to face Atletico Madrid and Porto. Liverpool will face tough opponents in the form of Olympique de Lyonnais. Another interesting group would be Group C, where AC Milan and Real Madrid are drawn in. Arsenal FC are drawn in a fairly competitive group with Olympiacos and AZ Alkmaar.

Heres to another season of great football!